the seventh grade
by Kid A2
Summary: I don't remember writing this. But I find it very entertaining. I am making a website for all the characters in the story. Soon...
1. tomorrow is the first day of 7th grade!

Andre Agassi and Jason were the best of friends, but they were the opposite of each other. Andre was very athletic, but Jason was not. Jason liked music, but Andre did not. For example: Today Jason was wearing a black T-shirt and some short pants. Andre was wearing a girlie tennis skirt. He had just recently shaved his head. Jason had gross hair. "Do you want to play tennis, Jason?" Andre asked. "No, Andre," Jason replied.  
The two boys were going into the 7th grade. They felt important because now they could make fun of weenie 6th graders.  
  
*****  
  
D'Arcy Wretsky and David Bowie were a pair. They lived next door to each other. They had been neighbors for as long as they could remember. David thought D'Arcy was weird. D'Arcy had a crush on David. Today D'Arcy was wearing a calico dress that was purple and green. She had on her favorite shiny heart necklace. She had short blonde hair. And she was eating a carrot. David was wearing a cotton body suit. He had spiky blonde hair with a rattail. D'Arcy and David's moms were making them shop for school supplies together. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade.  
When the duo arrived at Wal-Mart, they went directly to the school supply aisle. D'Arcy's favorite color was purple. She got everything in different shades of purple. David's favorite color was secretly pink. He bought green folders, and one pink one.   
  
*****  
  
Brandon Boyd and Jimmy Fallon hated each other. They had been the most popular boys in the 6th grade last year. The girls always fought over them. Tomorrow was the first day of 7th grade, and they both wanted to look their best. They were both going shopping today.  
As Brandon walked into the community mall, he saw Jimmy walk by. They glared at each other. Brandon went straight to Visible Changes. He had an appointment to get his hair put in dreadlocks. Then he went to buy some cool Adidas clothes. Jimmy's hair was brown, and he kept it cute. He just liked to wear jeans and T-shirts.  
  
*****  
  
Jesse Camp and Kurt Cobain were really close. A little too close. They loved to give each other big hugs. They had been best friends since the kindergarten days. Jesse had long hair, which he kept spiked. It was really tall. Kurt had long blonde hair. Nobody liked them. Jesse wore many layers of clothing, and lots of bracelets. He liked scarves. Kurt just wore regular old clothes.   
Jesse was over at Kurt's house. They were preparing for the first day of school. They were outcasts, and losers. Everybody said, "You're gay." And they always said back, "Yes we're very happy, aren't you?" They just didn't understand. What's wrong with being happy?  
  
*****  
  
Billy Corgan and John Cusak were sworn enemies. Billy Corgan was a bully. John Cusak was a nerd. Billy wore scary clothes. Today he was wearing silver pants and a black shirt that said ZERO on it. John was wearing suspenders and a plaid shirt. His loafers were brown. And his socks were droopy. He wore big red glasses.  
One time Billy knocked John's glasses off. Then he fell in love with him. John was scared to go to school tomorrow. He didn't want Billy to beat him up.   
  
*****  
  
Boyfriend Dixon and Dave Grohl were good friends. Boyfriend was the community boyfriend. But he wasn't very happy about it. Dave had a bowl haircut. Boyfriend had long, flowing, gorgeous red hair. Dave liked to play with Boyfriend's hair. Sometimes he put it in piggy tails.  
The boys got together the day before the first day of school started. They pondered this question over and over: What was cool in the 7th grade? Finally, they made a list.  
  
*****  
  
Chris Farley and Cory Feldman. They were cousins. They were also friends. Chris was a bit overweight, and Cory had an ugly problem. So they were a nice pair. But the girls didn't seem to like 'em too much.  
They were both going into the 7th grade tomorrow. They too wanted to know what was cool in the 7th grade. So they made a list. But they were sadly mistaken.  
  
*****  
  
Kyla and Lisa hated each other. Once they got into a big catfight. Kyla wanted to be like Lisa. She tried to wear the same clothes. But she couldn't, because Lisa made her own clothes. She got the same kind of glasses as Lisa.   
They both were not looking forward to tomorrow. It was the first day of 7th grade. Lisa was going to wear her jeans that had leopard print on them, and a cool T-shirt. Kyla tried to spy on her, so she could wear the same thing.  
  
*****  
  
James Iha and Mick Jones were kind of enemies. They really liked each other, but they were going against each other in the talent show. They had already named their bands and everything. The talent show would be in 2 weeks. It was always 2 weeks after the first day of school. And that was tomorrow.   
James was Asian. He had long black hair with highlights. Mick was British. He had moved to America in the 1st grade. He was a cute kid. ENEMY!  
  
*****  
  
Tony Kanal and Landon Kirksey were both geeks. They were the school nerds. Everyone threw vegetables at them during lunchtime. They liked the vegetables, and ate them. YUM! They didn't want to start 7th grade tomorrow. Everyone would throw the vegetables. They didn't like strained peas in their ears. They got caught in the earflaps, and smelled for days.  
  
*****  
  
Wolfgang Mozart and Mike Myers were excited about going into the 7th grade. Tomorrow was the first day of school. They talked about this while they broadcasted their show, "Wolf's World," from Mike's basement. Wolfgang said he thought school was very poopy, and Mike laughed, and turned off the TV.   
They knew what was cool in the 7th grade. Soft drinks starting with "r," toilet humour, and having your own TV show (on channels 578 and 983 in Cambodia, Asia Minor, and some parts of Ethiopia.)  
  
*****  
  
Jimmy Page and Adam Sandler were not so cool. Jimmy had a long curly flowing black mane, and wore many frilly outfits, while Adam had short brown Jewish hair, and a big Jewish nose. Adam didn't like being the only Jew in town. Even his parents weren't Jewish. They were in the Wicca cult. Every one called him Jewish Witch Boy.   
No one would come near Jimmy. He didn't like baths. That is why no one would come near Jimmy. Not even Adam would come near Jimmy. Everyone called him Dirty Boy Who Is Friends With Jewish Witch Boy.   
Adam and Jimmy liked to make-believe. Today they were building a rocketship because they were headed for URANUS. That's what they wrote on the side of the rocketship, URANUS. They crawled inside and hid. They did not want 7th grade to begin. The first day was tomorrow. They wanted to be little kids forever. They decided they would ride their rocketship to URANUS right now, so they would not have to grow up on Earth at least.  
Jimmy and Adam climbed aboard the rocketship, but no sooner had they mounted it, they realized it was fake. They were very sad.  
  
*****  
  
Charlie Sexton was Russell's older retarded brother, and he was a mullet. Russell changed his last name so no one would be able to tell they were brothers. His parents let him. It was cheaper than sending Charlie to Redneckland to live with his Redneck Relatives.   
Charlie wore women's clothing and lipstick.  
Russell cried the night before 7th grade. This year, Charlie was being allowed to move on to middle school. (He was 27.) That meant that their bus would come at the same time, therefore they would come out of the same house, and people...would know. Russell did not want them to know.   
Russell also cried because he had too many freckles, and had a disease called freckleosis. He was going TO DIE.  
  
*****  
  
Gwen Stefani and Julia Stiles were a talented team. Gwen did the singing and Julia danced. She even had a back up dancer. His name was Donny, and he was a Negro. They were going to enter the 7th grade talent show, tomorrow. The show was in 2 weeks. They had to practice.  
Both girls had blonde hair, but Gwen liked hers pink. One day, Julia fell ill. She couldn't practice for the talent show. Donny had to fill in for her. And that's when Gwen fell in love with him.  
  
*****  
  
Owen Wilson and Brian were going to make a band. They were going to call it Crispy Bar. Brian played the bass, and Owen played a tambourine. They both sang. That was all. They were also going to be in the talent show at school. They had to practice. They would sign up tomorrow, the first day of 7th grade.   
Owen was really funny. He had a crooked nose, and blonde hair. Brian was kind of chubby. He had brown hair and sang pretty. That day at practice, Brian started to cry. He was very shy, and didn't want to perform in front of everyone.  
  
*****  
  
Becky Stone was a loser. Everyone hated her. She was fat, and ate her own boogers. She also ate paste and butterflies and small mammals and caca. Even though she was 45, she was in the 7th grade. She had been for 3 years. Everyone had heard stories about how she ate kids. She wished desperately she could be in the talent show, but she had no talent at anything whatsoever. She was totally USELESS. 


	2. get ready for the first day of seventh g...

Jason and Andre were very excited about tomorrow. They began preparing for their first day of 7th grade. They laid out their coolest new clothes for tomorrow. Jason was going to wear some emo clothes. He had laid out a sweater vest, and some high waters. Andre had laid out his sparkly new tennis body suit.   
Jason had washed his hair 3 days ago. Now it was nice and calm. Andre shaved his head one more time before going to sleep. He didn't want one speck of hair to show up.  
  
*****  
  
D'Arcy and David exited Wal-Mart. The 2 girls (I mean the girl and boy) went home and got ready for the first day of school. D'Arcy was going to wear her big black dress, which was ugly. David was going to wear a velveteen body suit. They were all psyched up about being big bad 7th graders. Here we go!  
  
*****  
  
As Brandon was leaving the mall, he saw Jimmy. He was wearing the same shirt that Brandon had just bought! This would not do. He walked over to Jimmy coolly. This had to be stopped. He said, "That's my shirt." And Jimmy punched him right in the face. Everyone in the mall yelled, "FIGHT! FIGHT!"  
Isn't this suspenseful?  
  
*****  
  
Kurt and Jesse were very happy being close best friends. They just didn't understand what was wrong with being happy. Everyone had the right to be happy. (But he wondered why no cows ever came near his house. It must have been the smell.) Jesse and Kurt prettied up their hair for tomorrow. They were very excited. They tied the hair in ribbons. Yippee!   
  
*****  
  
On his way home from nerd camp, John saw Billy. Billy growled at him. John yelped. Then Billy bit his ear off. Poor John could not hear anything. He needed to go to the ear doctor and get a new hearing aid. He put it on his list of things to do before tomorrow. Billy thought John's ear tasted delightful. It was such a treat. Some say Billy was a cannibal. Ewww!! I hope not.  
  
*****  
  
Boyfriend and Dave came up with this list of cool things in the 7th grade. 1) Pretty hair. 2) No more kisses from mom at the bus stop. 3) Good shoes. 4) Shiny lips. And that's the list. They were exactly right. These were the coolest trends in the 7th grade.   
This would be a good year. Boyfriend and Dave were going to be trendy this year. For the first time.  
  
*****  
  
Chris and Cory made their list of cool things in the 7th grade. 1) Trendy clothes. 2) Fat. 3) A few special pimples. 4) Shiny hair. That's all. Like I said, they were sadly mistaken. The boys would be ignored this year. Again.  
  
*****  
  
Lisa knew what Kyla was up to. She did the same thing last year. She had tried to peek in Lisa's window. But she had been caught. So this year, Lisa laid out some really ugly clothes where Kyla would be able to see them from the window. But she wasn't really going to wear them. It was a trick.   
It worked. Kyla came and peeked in Lisa's window. She took a picture with her tiny spy camera. Then she went home and replicated the outfit. Silly kid.  
  
*****  
  
James and Mick kept practicing with their bands. They got better each day. James' band was called The Dirty Sock. Mick's band was called Egghead. They were stupid names. James' band played rock and roll. Mick's band played country music. Even though Mick was British, he had a country twang. Some said it was fake. But you know better, right? As the days before the beginning of 7th grade became shorter, the time passed.  
And the hair grew.  
  
*****  
  
Tony spent the night at Landon's house. As they lay on their Gummy Bear sleeping bags, one question lingered in both of their minds. Actually two. 1) What vegetable would be lobbed at them tomorrow? And 2) Would they be able to take it, or would they fall down and cry?   
As these questions ran across their minds, Landon's mom gave them goodnight kisses and wished them good dreams.  
  
*****  
  
"Wolfie?" Mike asked Wolfgang. "Do you think we'll be popular this year?" Wolfgang laughed. "Of course. We always are. As long as you stop calling your teachers mommy." This made Mike sad. He had a very bad habit of calling his teachers mommy.  
"Don't cry Mike. Just think before you speak," Wolfie exploded. "Thanks Wolfie. You're a great friend," Mike exclaimed as he hugged his new best friend.  
  
*****  
  
After the sad mishap with URANUS, Jimmy and Adam were pretty depressed. But Adam's mom knew just what they needed. She went inside and made some Witch cookies from her secret recipe. They were a delicious treat. Then Mrs. Sandler gave the boys a long talk. It went like this. "Boys, I'm really sorry about the problem with URANUS. But you'll heal. You'll get over it. It was just a silly game. Tomorrow you'll be big 7th graders. You won't need a silly rocket ship."  
After the boys had had a nice cry, they went inside to play pong.  
  
*****  
  
Russell made a great discovery. Because Charlie was retarded, he had to ride the short school bus. The short school bus came 5 minutes earlier. Russell was so happy, that he gave Charlie a big hug and said, "I'm so glad you're retarded." This made Charlie cry. He said, "I'm not retarded. I'm special."   
Russell's mom was mad at him for telling Charlie he was retarded. He didn't have a clue. She gave him a spanking.  
  
*****  
  
Gwen and Donny were in love. Julia couldn't believe it. Her own back up dancer and best friend. They had betrayed her and left her out. Julia decided they could perform at the talent show alone together. She would stay out of it. Julia was very outraged. She was the only one allowed to dance with Donny.  
  
*****  
  
Brian was very upset about being the center of attention at the talent show. He didn't like being in the spotlight. Owen tried to comfort him. "But you sing so pretty. Without you, Crispy Bar would just be me and a tambourine. I need the bass and your beautiful voice." Brian was very emotional at this time. He wept openly on Owen's shoulder.   
Everything was going to be all right.  
  
*****  
  
Becky Stone cried and cried the night before the first day of school. Everyone would make fun of her. She was such a loser. And she was old enough to drop out. She decided she would drop out of school. She would go live in a cave where she could eat small children that wandered in. GOODBYE BECKY STONE!!!!! 


	3. hey! today is the first day of 7th grade...

It was the first day of 7th grade. Andre called Jason before going to the bus stop. He was very nervous. "What if no one likes my sparkly new tennis body suit?" he sighed in to the tin can on a string. "Oh, they will," Jason snorted. He loved the ol' tennis suit.   
The boys hung up. They met at the stop sign in between their houses. Jason gave Andre a big hug and slobbered on him. Andre yipped.   
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. D'Arcy slipped into her ugly black dress just as David's mother was buttoning up his velveteen body suit. D'Arcy didn't know what David saw in those ol' body suits. They were so saggy. D'Arcy was rolling her hair into cinnabons just as David was combing his rattail.   
The duo met at the edge of the neighborhood. They could walk to school now. They were big kids.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Brandon had a big black eye from where Jimmy had punched him. He had called mall security after Jimmy ran and hid in a bush. Jimmy wouldn't be at school for 2 whole weeks. This would give Brandon a chance to get all the girls. Watch out girls. Here comes Brandon Boyd.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Jesse and Kurt couldn't wait. Kurt would wear his hair in piggy tails, and he would wear his blue jeans and a white shirt. Jesse would wear his hair in a big Mohawk. He would wear his scarf and a purple jump suit along with a million bracelets. What joy he could bring to people's lives. Oho!  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. John firmly shoved his new hearing aid in. It fit nice and dandy. He put a Power Rangers Band-Aid on it. It had chewy marks on it. Billy still had a tad bit of the taste of John's ear in his mouth. It tasted like carrots. Yummy...Carrots. That's what Billy would have for breakfast.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Boyfriend and Dave did a few things before they left. First they made their hair pretty. Boyfriend made piggy tails. Dave combed his. Both boys knocked out their moms so they couldn't kiss them at the bus stop. They put on cool shoes, and made their lips shiny. Dave and Boyfriend would be all the rage this year.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Cory and Chris took a big grease bath together before school. This way, they could drink some of it. They made sure they were extra fat. They rubbed grease on their faces and in their hair. Shiny hair was cool. And so were pimples.   
After the grease bath, the boys helped each other into their new trendy clothes from Abercrombie. Sadly, these boys would be the laughing stock of the school for years to come.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Lisa put on her real cool clothes. Kyla put on what she thought Lisa would be wearing today. It was a pinstriped body suit. With a leather hat and handbag. It was shocking to her neighbors that she wasn't caught by the fashion police. What has this world come to?  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. James was combing his beautiful hair while Mick was putting on raggedy old clothes. He liked raggedy old clothes. James was wondering what he should do with his raven locks. Perhaps wings would be the look for today. Or not?  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. As Tony and Landon prettied up, they wandered should they even try to pretty up. They would only be trampled by veggies in an hour or so. They tried their best anyway. Landon's mom made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. They were Tony's favorite. Then the mommy took pictures of them with their backpacks on.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. "Remember Mike," Wolfie said. "Don't call them mommy." "Right." Mike had gotten his schedule beforehand, and memorized all his teachers' names. He repeated them over and over in his head.  
Wolfie wore a plumage suit, and a big pink wig. Mike wore a mullet, and his black T-shirt with jeans.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. As Adam proudly put on his Yamakuh, Jimmy put on his new guitar strap like a belt. It didn't look too good. Jimmy and Adam had a new attitude. The mommy's talk had made them content. The boys went to meet at the bus stop.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Russell walked Charlie to the bus stop 5 minutes before his bus came. Charlie's face had tear stains. He was still sad from finding out he was retarded. His mom had always just told him he was special.   
5 minutes later, Russell went out to his bus stop. His freckleosis was flaring up. It itched. The doctor had said he wouldn't die. He had to rub peanut butter on his face every 3 hours.  
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Gwen was feeding Donny Cheerios when Julia called. "Hey. I just want you to know that I won't be performing with you in the talent show. I can't believe you stole Donny from me!"   
Gwen rolled her golden eyes. "Oh give it up, Julia. He never loved you." Then she hung up. What a crybaby.   
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Owen was trying to straighten his nose out just as Brian was listening to his tape on how to be confident. He wanted to be a cool cat this year. Suddenly he called Owen on his Mickey Mouse phone. "You've got to listen to this. It's so helpful." He held his plastic tape recorder up to the mouthpiece of the telephone. The tape said, "If you believe in yourself you can do anything. If you think you're cool, you will be cool."   
This made Owen want to cry. It was a whole new world of endless possibilities.   
  
*****  
  
It was the first day of 7th grade. Becky Stone moved into the cave. She will no longer be appearing in this gruesome tale. She retired and now lives in a swamp. GOODBYE BECKY STONE!!!! 


	4. lunch time at the first day of seventh g...

It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Jason had some very nice teachers and made a few new friends. So did Andre. They ate lunch together. Just as best friends always do. Andre had a tennis lunchbox, and Jason had a Weezer lunchbox.  
What a delightful first day of the 7th grade!  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. D'Arcy had a fun day. So did David. They too had lunch together. But only because they didn't have any other friends to sit with. David had a Labyrinth lunchbox. D'Arcy had a Smashing Pumpkins lunchbox, which held one perfect carrot.  
What a delightful first day of the 7th grade!  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Brandon had to beat the girls off with a stick. Jimmy had fun at home. Too bad Jimmy wasn't here. Brandon wanted to throw food at him at lunch. Brandon had an Olsen Twins lunchbox. He thought they were hot. So did the others.  
What a delightful first day of the 7th grade!   
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Jesse and Kurt had a very gay day. They even ate lunch together. Jesse had an Alf lunchbox. Kurt had a Kurt Cobain lunchbox. He was a big fan. Kurt made a new friend. His name was Daniel Desario. He was cool. But he was new, so he had no friends. Jesse thought he was cute.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Everyone asked John about his ear. He told them it got ran over by a tractor. At lunch, Billy winked at him. This gave John the willies. Billy then proceeded to sit in a corner by himself where he ate some steamed carrots out of his BALDMAN lunchbox. John had a Nerd lunchbox.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Boyfriend and Dave were very popular. They sat at the popular table with Brandon Boyd. Hmmm....Why didn't the girls flock to them? Anyway. Boyfriend ate out of his Carrot Top lunchbox. Dave had a Foofoo lunchbox.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It wasn't a lovely first day of 7th grade. Everyone made fun of Chris and Cory. They were a little too greasy. At lunch, they flew solo. Chris had a Coneheads lunchbox. Cory had a Goonies lunchbox.   
It was not a delightful first day of the 7th grade.   
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Everyone laughed at Kyla for wearing that silly outfit. Everyone loved Lisa's clothes. Kyla was very upset that Lisa had tricked her. She sat with Chris and Cory at lunch. She had a Goonies lunchbox too. Cory was in love.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Mick and James saw each other at lunch. Mick was carrying an Egghead lunchbox. James was carrying a Dirty Sock lunchbox. They were homemade lunchboxes. The boys growled. The talent show was a big thing.   
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. But full of veggies. Peas. Today at lunch. Were thrown. At Tony and Landon. Landon had a COMEDIAN lunchbox. He thought he was pretty funny. Tony had a No Doubt lunchbox. That was his fave band. Of all time.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade. PEAS!  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Mike accidentally called one of his teachers mommy. Everyone laughed and tugged at his mullet. Definitely not cool. He cried on Wolfie at lunch. Mike and Wolfie both had Wolf's World lunchboxes. They made them themselves. What a pitiful sight.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.   
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. But it was sad. Adam was called the Jewish Witch Boy. And Jimmy was taunted a second time. They were so happy to see each other at lunch. Adam had a Jewish lunchbox, and Jimmy had a Led Zeppelin lunchbox. He had inherited it from his great-uncle.   
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. But Charlie spoiled Russell's day. He sat with him at lunch! Russell pretended he didn't know him, and tried to hide in his 311 lunchbox. But Charlie thought it was a game. So he started running around with his Fuzzy Wuzzy lunchbox on his head. And he introduced himself to everyone as Russell Selby's brother. What a year this would be.  
It was a crazy but delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. But it made Julia sad to see Gwen and Donny together. Gwen even fed Donny with a spoon at lunch! He had a Fat Albert lunchbox. And Gwen had a pink sparkly lunchbox. Julia just had a plain old brown lunchbox. She was green with envy.  
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade.  
  
*****  
  
It was a lovely first day of 7th grade. Ever since Owen got a new outlook on life, he was happy as a lark. Brian was more confident too. They practiced singing at lunch. Brian had a chubby lunchbox. And Owen had a cowboy lunchbox.   
It was a delightful first day of the 7th grade. 


	5. after the first day of seventh grade!

Andre and Jason decided to have their after school snack at Andre's grandma's house. His grandma was old, and not a very nice. She did have good marshmallow-and-peanut-butter-and-pickle-sandwiches, though. Jason always ate with his mouth wide open, and he had to eat a lot to get any at all, since a lot fell out when he talked with his mouth full and spat all over Andre and his grandma. Andre took ladylike bites, and chewed them each 50 times. He did not want to lose his girlish figure.   
  
*****  
  
D'Arcy and David went to their secret clubhouse after school that was in a pine tree 50 feet up in David's yard. But they had to climb down because David's velveteen body suit got a snag in it from a flailing branch. D'Arcy rolled her eyes as he started to cry. Why did he wear them? If they were not so SAGGY, they wouldn't get caught on everything. He had gotten seven snags today alone.  
  
*****  
  
Brandon was chased home by a mob of 300 young screaming girls. What a day! He went home and took a bubble bath to wash away all the stress. He wondered what Jimmy Fallon was up to right now.  
Jimmy was making smores in a small fire he had made on his back porch. He had to be sneaky about it though. His mom didn't like fires.  
  
*****  
  
Jesse and Kurt invited their new friend Daniel over for brownies after school. They had a secret meeting clubhouse. It was deep in the woods by Jesse's house. Do you know how they made the brownies? I'm not going to tell you. It's a secret.  
But Daniel wondered.  
  
*****  
  
After school, Billy chased John all the way home. He screamed, "I want the other one!!" This confused John.  
"What?" He yelled back.  
"The other ear! It was delicious!"   
This made John cringe with fear. He ran like the wind, until he came to a big hole in the ground. He hopped in, and dug a hole to China.  
  
*****  
  
Now that Dave and Boyfriend were very popular, they hung out with the "in" crowd. The "in" crowd hung out at AE after school. Brandon Boyd's dad owned it. They got to play in the dressing rooms and try on clothes. FUN!!  
  
*****  
  
Chris and Cory had plans for after school. They were going to go to Kyla's house and watch the Goonies. Cory had planned to ask Kyla to be his girlfriend. He had never had a girlfriend. HE was ugly. But he really liked Kyla. She had worn an ugly outfit on the first day of the seventh grade.  
  
*****  
  
Lisa thought her little prank had been incredibly funny. She couldn't stop laughing. Kyla fell for the old switcheroo trick!! As she walked home, she giggled her brains out. And then she saw IT!  
Becky Stone was in the middle of the road, looking hungry. Lisa had always been warned of the Stone Monster. She tried to remember the rules: 1) never look her in the eye. 2) never let her see you with food. 3) duck and run.  
  
*****  
  
James went home after school to practice with his band. So did Mick. Both boys wanted to win so bad that they would have eaten vomit if it would help them. Well, Mick would have done it anyways, but whatever. James went to the Dirty Sock "studio", which was really just the sewer. Him and his new sewer rats practiced for 2 hours straight before going home. Mick and Egghead practiced for a long time too. They ate chocolate soup to improve the vocal cords.   
  
*****  
  
Tony went over to Landon's house after school. They helped each other pick the peas out of their ear flaps. Landon had one pea so far up his nose that he couldn't breathe. He had to go to the neighborhood "pediatrician" for help. The "pediatrician" was really a psycho, but no one knew.  
  
*****  
  
Mike and Wolfie were sad. On Wolf's World, they told about the perils of the day. Mike was very forlorn. His teacher had laughed at him when he called her mommy. How rejected he felt!! Rejection is tough. So Mike finally got a helmet.  
  
*****  
  
Jimmy and Adam liked to hang out after school. They pretended it was time for Adam's bar mitzvah. Jimmy made him presents in the bathroom, then Adam came in and acted surprised. But the game got boring. Jimmy always made the same presents. Adam wanted a variety.  
  
*****  
  
After school, Russell slapped Charlie around. He had demolished his reputation at school. Russell would never be able to show his freckles at school again. He rubbed Charlie's face in the mud. Then Charlie screamed for help. Russell got a spanking!!!!  
  
*****  
  
After school, Gwen and Donny went home to practice their routine. It was working out lovely. But Julia had a plan to sabotage it. She was going to dress up in a Donny suit, and fool Gwen. She would dance like a monkey, and make Gwen mad. But what to do with Donny while she did this? Julia knew.  
  
*****  
  
Brian and Owen went home and sang beautiful melodies. They made up 2 new creations, otherwise known as songs. Brian sang so beautiful. Owen couldn't believe his little deformed ears. Could this be true? 


	6. hey! its a new day of seventh grade!

Andre was fussing over what to wear on the next day of school. Jason was going to wear the same clothes. Andre finally decided on a glitter body suit. As he ate his fruit loops, he pondered what today would be like. Jason didn't care. He was asleep when his mom dragged him to the bus stop. She hoped he would wake up soon.  
  
*****  
  
It was the second day of the 7th grade. David had picked a snag-proof body suit from his collection wardrobe. D'Arcy was going to wear her big brown dress. David taunted her for this. Then she gave him a slap, and he shut up. What a pansy head.   
  
*****  
  
Jimmy was very bored. He didn't like staying at home. He wanted to go frolic in the schoolyard with all the other children. He watched them with his Z-80 binoculars. Brandon was having a blast at school. He had to beat the girls off with a stick.  
  
*****  
  
The brownies that Jesse and Kurt had fed Daniel made him sick. He really wanted the recipe. Kurt was immune to Jesse's cooking. The brownies no longer bothered him. Daniel had the runs. He didn't come to school on the 2nd day.  
  
*****  
  
Well, John dug his hole to China. He liked it there. It was pretty. Billy couldn't find him for days. He ran about sniffing the wind. No one else's ear would do. He wanted the other one.   
John was having a bit of trouble though. The Chinese people spoke a funny language. John couldn't figure it out. He thought everyone in the world spoke English!  
  
*****  
  
Dave and Boyfriend were having a blast being popular. But it was hard work! You had to make yourself pretty everyday! Everyday!!!! This was more than the boys could handle. They thought about retiring. Hmmm...Would this be allowed?  
  
*****  
  
Cory had asked Kyla to go out with him. Kyla was excited, and said yes. She had never had a boy friend. Chris was beginning to feel left out. Kyla and Cory were always together, baking cookies, and watching Goonies. One day he went by Cory's house, but before he got inside, he saw Kyla's bike in the yard. He ran away, hid, and cried great tears of sadness.  
  
*****  
  
The Stone Monster lunged at Lisa. She jumped into the ditch, and hid under a dead tree. She could hear the monster sniffing around it. She stayed as still as possible. Many thought ran through her head. 'Will she eat me? What if she doesn't go away? Why did I ever fool Kyla? She might be with me here if I hadn't made her mad.' After what seemed like hours, she heard the loud tromping of the Stone Monster leave.  
  
*****  
  
As the day of the talent show approached, James and Mick practiced more than ever. No one really liked either of their music. They both had to take the criticism like men. Life was rough. James wondered how much a helmet cost. Hmm...$25? Mick thought about $10.  
  
*****  
  
Tony and Landon were hoping the school crowd wouldn't be as harsh in the future. Those peas had been painful. Especially the frozen ones the lunch ladies threw. Oh the pain of being an outcast. It couldn't be helped.  
  
*****  
  
Mike wore his new helmet to school. This way, the rejection couldn't get through to him. It didn't help that much. But everyone seemed to think it was pretty cool. Everybody started wearing helmets, and they crowned Mike King Helmet. Wolfie was mad about this. He thought he should get some recognition. He's the one who suggested that Mike get a helmet in the first place. Hmmhhpp....  
  
*****  
  
School wasn't much fun for Adam and Jimmy. They tried to be cool, by wearing helmets, but the big kids just took it as an invitation to bang their heads around. Not what they had hoped for. They wanted girls. Hey, it's the eighties!  
  
*****  
  
Russell had learned to ignore Charlie at school. When he came up to him, he just told him that he had the wrong guy. He said, "I'm not your brother. Try that kid over there." This worked for a while, but Charlie was wising up. His doctors were actually saying his brain was improving. Russell hoped not. He got a spanking!  
  
*****  
  
Julia went to the costume store. She asked if they had any Donny suits. The lady said, "As a matter of fact, I've got 2 in stock." So Julia rented one. After school one day, she grabbed Donny before he could find Gwen. She hid him in a closet. Then she put on her Donny suit, and went to find Gwen. Things were going good.  
  
*****  
  
Owen and Brian were so happy. They knew for sure they would win the talent show. They kept up the practice. But one day, Brian lost his voice. Owen went nuts looking for it. Brian had just lost it, it had to be here somewhere!! He looked under the couch, and in the fridge. "Brian, are you sure you didn't leave it at school?" Brian nodded. Doomed. 


	7. hey! today is the third day of seventh g...

It was the third day of seventh grade. Jason had slept the day away on the bus, and woke up while it was taking him home. He just smiled and slobbered, and bit Andre. It bled, and Andre tried to hit him with his tennis racket, crying wildly. Jason just stared at him and laughed. He felt no pain. Today Jason was awake on the bus and tormented Andre by staring into his eyes and slobbering. Andre was scared!  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. David came to the bus stop crying. D'Arcy did not even have the chance to ask what was wrong. David was blubbering onto her shoulder before she knew it. "Why didn't I get the part in the movie?! Why me? Why now?"  
D'Arcy popped his forehead. "Shut up kindergarten baby." What was he talking about? Besides, she had her own troubles to worry about, like, what to do when it came time for her to read in class. She doesn't speak English.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Jimmy threw his binoculars against the wall of his tree house. He had just seen Brandon in the schoolyard beating the girls off with a stick. It was obvious that they had stopped coming after him long ago. Now Brandon just ran about beating them with a stick.   
Jimmy decided that no longer would he sit and watch this madness. He suddenly had an idea. "Buckleberry Ferry!" he shouted. He put on his "not-Jimmy-Fallon" suit and wandered into the schoolyard coolly.   
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Daniel's mom made him go to school, sick or no. All the toilets in the house had to be cleaned after his brownie experience.  
Daniel once more ate lunch with Kurt and Jesse, and once more ate those mysterious brownies that came from the hell fire of Jesse's Alf lunch box. He, like Kurt, would soon be immune to the effects of the brownies. Kurt had an ulcer.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. John finally remembered that he had a trigonometry club meeting, so he climbed out of his hole to China. He smelled like noodles, the Oriental kind.   
Billy sniffed the wind. He smelled something delicious. All of the sudden, he knew what it was. He smiled slyly and licked his lips. It was time for another ear.   
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Dave and Boyfriend had decided what they were going to do. This popular business was too much. They would steal a car, kill themselves, rob a bank, learn Portuguese and rape every girl in CALI-FORN-I-A! Or wait, what was that order again?  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Cory and Kyla were very happy. They thought that less people were making fun of them since they were "together". Really they were just too busy thinking about maybe holding hands to think about anyone else. Kyla had worn that dirty, saggy pinstriped body suit 3 days in a row now, because she was afraid if she took it off, Cory would no longer think she was pretty.  
Actually Cory liked the way she smelled. SNAP BANG, he had a girlfriend.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Chris could hear sad music in the background everywhere he went, the sad kind like on Full House. At last, Chris asked his parents to go to Hogwarts Academy for witches and wizards, so he could hang out with Harry Potter and go out for the Quidditch team. Even though he was way too fat to get on such a broom as a Nimbus 2000. Chris' parents laughed, and then realized they would be rid of him.  
NO MORE BIG GROCERY BILLS! So they sent him to the train station and told him to find platform 9 ¾. He was so excited. Gee whilikers, this will be the adventure of a lifetime.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Lisa was beginning to regret that she had ever trifled with Kyla. Kyla had a boyfriend! Lisa was very jealous. So she went and stole Daniel away from Kurt and Jesse at lunch time. What a fox.   
She would make him her own. Today! Daniel was frightened. She put him on a leash and dragged him every where.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. James and Mick had a great idea! They were all a bustle with the thought of this. They would combine Egghead and Dirty Sock to make a super-band! They decided to call it The Clashing Pumpkins. Hooray! James Iha and Mick Jones were going to be the coolest kids around.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Tony and Landon had a new plan. They were going to be cool cats this year. No more vegetables being lobbed at them! They put their thinking caps on and thought for a bit. "What makes everyone else so cool?" Tony pondered. Landon had no clue. They finally decided what they would do-stop being nerds! Tony shaved his head and got ADIDAS pants and a guitar. Landon broke his leg and became funny. THEY WERE A LARGE HIT.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Helmets were no longer cool. Mike and Wolfgang's helmets were taken on the bus and thrown out the window.   
But Mike was strong, and managed not to call any of his teachers mommy that day. Wolfgang was rather proud of him, and slapped him around like manly men do. So what if they were a little bruised when they got home? The cheese tastes the same or not.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Adam was amazed to find out that there was another Jewish Witch kid at school, and her name was Elijah Wood. Jimmy took this pretty hard. What if he was now rejected? But Adam played it cool, and said they could all play Barbies at his house today. Jimmy gave a sigh of relief. Adam immediately felt like a hero-until he realized that Jimmy was relieved because he had made Adam a present.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Pretty soon, Charlie was the coolest retard, and was often seen sitting with Brandon Boyd, the coolest kid around. Girls fawned over Charlie and his women clothing.   
This made Russell very upset. Once again, his freckleosis was flaring up. He was embarrassed to use the peanut butter at school, so he used Preparation-H instead. HOW THEY LAUGHED. Russell got a spanking!  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Julia was very comfortable in her Donny suit. The arms were a little long but none the less, she was comfortable. Gwen knew right away that something was wrong with Donny. He gagged when she fed him. What was the matter? Donny never gagged.  
  
*****  
  
It was the third day of seventh grade. Owen stood bawling for a long time. Brian flung himself to the ground and wept. But after a few hours, Brian heard a faint tambourine rattling. He drug his nose across the shag carpet to get the snot off, and looked up, snuffling. Owen was dancing with a tambourine.   
Brian crept to his feet and grabbed his bass. They would be an instrumental band! 


	8. the afternoon of the third day of sevent...

It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Andre had a nasty bite mark from Jason. But it's alright. He cut Jason's hair off the next day whilst he was asleep on Andre's lap. But Jason liked it. He had needed a new haircut anyway.  
Thanks buddy.  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Since David could not be in the movie, he decided to write his own. He had written it in P.E. while he was running around the track. He now rubbed his girly hands together as he and D'Arcy sat in their pine tree tree house, and she was glancing over it.  
It read:  
  
D'Arcy: Yuu R my lovr.  
David: Hi, I'm Elrand. I speek Kwinyan.   
D'Arcy: I will NOT make owt with yuu!  
David: Hi, I'm a rok star!  
D'Arcy: (fals to nees) I will show you this Aisha's crust-aysh-ian wood crow.  
David: I luuuuuuuuuuv yUU!  
  
D'Arcy sighed. She could see this was going to be a long afternoon.  
  
*****  
  
After Jimmy had killed Brandon, he was much happier. Little did he know that Brandon Boyd could not be killed so easily. He was immortal, and was still happily chasing girls behind him.   
Jimmy skipped around the school, beating girls off with a stick. Ahhh, this was the way it was supposed to be.  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Kurt and Jesse had a memorial service for the loss of Daniel. He was a fine young man. But that evil sorceress Lisa had swept him away. Wait, this is not Dungeons and Dragons. There is no need for this tone. That reminded Jesse, they were late for their D&D meeting.  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Billy chased John all the way home. He screeched into the wind, "Give me the ear!!!" John was a very brave boy. He jumped across the creek and yelled, "If you want it, come and eat it." Then he waved a stick (magic wand) in the air. He was expecting the creek to swallow Billy, but that just gave him time to wade across the 3 inch deep creek.  
"Oh come on, John," Billy whispered. "Just a nibble?"  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Dave and Boyfriend still hadn't set their plan into action. First they needed to steal a car. Boyfriend had a Hotwheels Barbie car in his backyard. They decided this would do. Next they needed to rob a bank. But how? This was tricky.  
California, here we come!  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Cory and Kyla were going to go on a date!!!!!!!!! Talk of this was all over the school. They had a date! DATERS! DATERS! Life was tough in '49. Let's go bowling!   
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Chris had made a sad sad discovery. When he got to the train station, he went straight to platform 9 ¾. But it wasn't there! He had flown all the way to England just for this! It was only after watching several "witches" slam into the wall, that he realized something. Wizards and witches are really just people trippin' on acid!!!!   
Chris slowly walked up to the nearest queer looking person. "Are you a wizard?" he asked quietly.  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Lisa was in love with Daniel!!!!!! He cried all the way home. "You're coming with me!" she yelled. "But I don't wanna!" he cried. Oh well, looks like Lisa owns Daniel now. This is some kind of sick game!  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. The Clashing Pumpkins were a big hit with James and Mick's mommies. They had a recital. Everyone clapped so hard that they bust their ear drums. Wait, no. This didn't happen. BUT-everyone did like the idea. Though they knew if this band was rejected, the history of the world would change.  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Now that Tony and Landon were cool, they decided to make a club. The Baby-Sitters Club! Now Tony's mom couldn't ever complain about not having a sitter. "I now call this first meeting of the BSC to order!" Tony cried as he slammed down his clipboard. Landon sat on his director chair and ate chocolate that he kept hidden in his bed. Uh-oh, here comes a rip off.   
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Mike and Wolfie were big boys now. No more calling teachers 'mommy'. On Wolf's World, they discussed how special they were now. "Wait a minute," Mike declared, "Now that we are big and strong we don't need Wolf's World!" Then he knocked over the video camera.   
"STOP IT!" Wolfie cried. He fell to the ground and began crying.   
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Barbies are real fun. Elijah brought over all her Barbies to Adam's house and Jimmy rode over on his scooter. Adam's mom didn't approve of Barbies. They were too girly. So she gave Adam a dead pig to play with. "Sacrifice it!" she yelled.   
Elijah knew how to sacrifice pigs. She sacrificed Barbies too. They are Wiccan, you know?   
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Russell decided he would take no more of this trickery from Charlie. He had fooled all the kids at school! He decided to pound Charlie into the ground. But first, the peanut butter. Russell got a spanking!  
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Julia chose the right moment to attack Gwen. Cat fight! When Gwen and "Donny" were practicing their dance, Julia suddenly yelled, "He's mine!"   
"What, Donny? You can talk?" That's when Julia hopped out of the Donny suit and attacked.   
  
*****  
  
It was the afternoon of the third day of seventh grade. Now that Owen and Brian were an instumental band, they were all the rage. I mean, who can resist the sound of a tambourine and a bass mixing sweetly in the wind? They would show this world a thing or two, they would show....... 


End file.
